Red vs Blue ODST
by laverniustucker118
Summary: What could possibly go wrong when the Reds and Blues step into the boots of the Orbital Drop Shock Troopers? Rated M for violence and language.
1. Prologue

RvB: ODST

Prologue:

It was just going to be another normal day at Outpost 17-B in Valhalla. At least it was until Sarge got "the call."

After only about an hour of un-sergeant-like giggling, Sarge rounded up the three members of Red Team, and also managed to rope in his traditional enemies from the other side of the canyon, the Blue Team.

"All right, men," he said, "I suppose you're all wondering why I called you here today."

There was bored silence from both teams. Sarge looked at them for a few moments and said, "I said, I suppose you're all wondering why-"

"Ugh, okay, fine, WHY did you call us here?" Church, the de facto leader of Blue Team, asked, already exasperated.

"Our Command has just contacted us and informed me that they've chosen the glorious Red Team for a brand-spanking-new, top-secret, near-suicide mission!" Sarge announced joyfully.

Grif, the lazy, orange-clad member of Red Team, sighed and said, "What a surprise..."

Simmons, the maroon-clad kissass of the team, replied, "Wow, that sounds great, Sarge! What's the mission?"

"Command wants us to go in as the first units of an assault on an old UNSC colony. It wasn't glassed during the war, and now a splinter group has arrived there, and-" Sarge started to explain.

"Wait, wait, wait, a what?" Tucker, the aqua-clad member of Blue Team, asked, already extremely confused.

"Splinters? Pain is not involved, right?" Caboose, the naive member of Blue Team asked, worried.

Sarge chuckled and said, "Nah, not real splinters! I mean a remainder of the Covenant! They've landed on the planet and taken control of it; Command thinks they're looking for something valuable, something top-secret, and they want us to lead the glorious charge against them!"

The whole group was silent. "Wait, aliens?" Tucker said. "I kinda like fighting you guys more; the only casualty we've had was caused by a guy on our own team."

"I really am the best soldier here," Caboose said ironically.

"Yeah, can't we just do what we usually do and ignore Command's orders?" Grif asked.

"You're the only one that does that!" Simmons whined.

"And I see no reason to change that strategy," Grif expertly retorted.

"Shut up, dirtbag," Sarge quickly said. "We're all going, and although I hate to say it, Command has asked me to...ugh, ask you dirty Blues to come along, too."

Tucker laughed dryly and said, "Fuck that! This mission actually sounds scary!"

"Yeah? Well, Command didn't say I couldn't force you to come along!" Sarge threatened, pumping his shotgun.

"Uh, yeah, I'd rather not stand here and keep talking to you people, so okay, we'll go," Church said.

"WHAT?" Tucker exclaimed.

"Good! Get your gear and report back here ASAP. I'll have Lopez here throw together some vehicles so we can travel to Command's ship. They'll take off and bring us to the colony."

"Sounds like fun," Church said unenthusiastically.

"Yay! We are going to have a sleepover!" Caboose exclaimed.

"Shut up, Caboose. You're staying here and working on Sheila. I can't believe I'm saying that, but I need Tucker 'cause he's got the kickass sword. That, and I'm pretty sure I don't want you around if we're already going to be on a near-suicide mission," Church replied.

Meanwhile, the last, pink-clad member of the Red Team, Private Franklin Donut, asked, "What about me, Sarge? Am I staying here?"

"No, Donut, Command was specific in saying they wanted all the Reds on this one," Sarge responded.

"That was an excellent decision, sir; we can definitely-" Simmons started.

"Oh, stop being a kissass, Simmons," Grif finished. "Ugh... let's just get this over with..."

Within a few minutes, the two teams (minus Caboose) were driving in a pair of Warthogs to Command's ship...


	2. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: Halo is the product of Bungie, and Red vs. Blue is the product of the fine geniuses of Rooster Teeth. **

**Author's note: Hello, everyone. I started this story a long time ago but only recently got back into writing it. I wanted to share this story with others and get their feedback on it; it's my take on what would happen if you threw the guys from Red vs. Blue into the shoes of the ODSTs from Halo 3: ODST. Here's Chapter 1. Enjoy!  
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><p>RvB: ODST<p>

Chapter 1:

Alarms blared aboard the UNSC ship _All Ahead Full_. Command was preparing its handpicked teams for the drop. Among them: the Red and Blue Teams.

Sarge stepped into the loading dock, where the two teams were standing around, separate from one another.

"All right, men, you know the music; time to dance," he announced.

Grif and Simmons looked at each other, and after a few moments, Grif responded, "Uh, Sarge, I gotta tell ya: that sounded a LITTLE gay."

Sarge, taken aback, pointed forward and said, "Pods. Now."

The teams, surprisingly, actually complied with the order, heading towards the small armory near the drop pods.

"Um, is anyone else nervous about climbing into a bunch of steel boxes and dropping towards this planet in them from miles up in space, at about a billion miles per hour?" Donut asked.

"Nope, that will end this nice and quick, so you better pray that happens, Donut," Grif responded.

"Grif, I think you're putting a bad spin on this mission. Look: we're seeing new places, and we have these cool new guns," Simmons said, lifting up one of the suppressed submachine guns in the armory's arsenal.

"FUCK those!" Grif said. "Those are close-quarters!" With that, he picked up a Battle Rifle similar to the one he usually carried. "If we're fighting aliens, I want to be as far away from them as possible."

"Exactly," Church said, picking up his trusty sniper rifle; well, it wasn't very trusty for him, since he usually couldn't put a bullet anywhere near his target.

"Yeah, you guys stick with your crummy human weapons," Tucker said, holstering his M7S and pulling out his energy sword. "I've got THIS."

"Ladies! Get in those pods on the double!" Sarge yelled.

Grif sighed and said, "Let's do this..."

"I've got the rear!" Donut exclaimed.

Now Simmons sighed and said, "Dammit, Donut..."

With that, they all climbed into their drop pods, which soon detached from the ship. The teams began rocketing towards the planet, which slowly seemed to come closer and closer to them.

"All right, men, stand by to adjust trajectory," Sarge said from the comms of his drop pod.

"Wait, WHAT? What the fuck do those words mean?" Grif asked, dumbfounded.

"Yeah, seriously, Sarge, I'm pretty sure you're making that word 'trajectory' up," Tucker said.

"Ugh... fine, you idiots! I'll do it myself!" Sarge yelled.

With that, he pressed a button that put the rest of the teams' pods on auto-pilot, which was geared to follow his pod's path. However, as usual, Grif managed to screw things up.

"Oh, shit!" he yelled as his pod suddenly jerked and slammed into Donut's.

"AAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEE!" was the very girlish scream that the two teams heard from Donut's pod as it thundered towards the planet...

Donut

Occupied City - New Mombiquo

6 Hours Later...

"Unhhhh... what happened?"

Donut found himself awakening inside his drop pod, which had crash-landed, miraculously, without killing him. He looked around and found that he was trapped inside the pod, though.

"Oh man," he said to himself out loud, "how am I going to get out of here?"

Just then, four buttons on the front panel of the drop pod lit up in bright red,

followed by the keypad on the arm of his jumpseat chair. The screen flickered on and off due to the damage that the pod had sustained, but each time it lit up, it showed "Activate Emergency Release Switches to Remove Front Panel."

"Oh! Okay!" Donut said eagerly. He reached up and lightly punched each switch, which turned green on contact. Once he had hit all four switches, there was a loud, hissing noise, and the front panel blew off of the pod and flew to the streets below.

"All right! Nothing can stop me now!" Donut said, and he jumped out of the pod, not realizing that he was jumping off the top of a building in the process. He slammed into the ground below, knocking himself unconscious again.

1 Hour After That...

"Uhhhhh..." Donut groaned. As he stood up, he grabbed his M7S submachine gun and looked around. There was no one around, and the only noise he heard was the siren from an abandoned police cruiser nearby.

Just then, he was helped further, considering the fact that he clearly needed it. A large television screen on the city wall flashed on, with a sign saying, "KEEP RIGHT."

Donut looked around, and then said, "Me?"

The screen then flashed, "Yes, you, dumbass!"

"Well, you don't have to be rude about it..." Donut muttered, and he began walking to the right, down the street.

After a few minutes of following the street, he came to another television screen that flashed an arrow, which pointed to a nearby three-story building. The building was blackened with scars from plasma bursts.

Donut entered and followed more television screens to the top floor. "Man, I wonder if someone's planning another surprise birthday party for me or something..." he thought aloud.

As he came to the top floor, he found another drop pod panel blocking the room. He took a few steps back before running into the panel, knocking it down. Rather professionally, he aimed his submachine gun around the room, checking for enemies and finding none. He then looked down at the drop pod panel, hearing a flashback coming on.

"Ladies! Get in those pods on the double!"

"{sigh} Let's do this..."


	3. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: Halo is the product of Bungie, and Red vs. Blue is the product of the fine geniuses of Rooster Teeth. **

**Author's note: Hello, everyone. So, in response to a question I've received and some of you might be wondering about, I've basically assigned the Red vs. Blue guys into the roles of the troopers from ODST. However, as you'll see in this and upcoming chapters, I do take liberties with the ODST storyline. This was more to make the story more streamlined than anything else; I didn't think I could keep you guys interested by just describing firefight after firefight the same way over and over. I do plan on introducing a twist later in the story, but for now here's a breakdown of the cast. Please keep reading and reviewing!**

**Sarge - Buck**

**Simmons - Mickey**

**Grif - Dutch**

**Donut - The Rookie**

**Church - Romeo**

**Tucker - Starts out in Dutch's role, but only for one chapter. Then he's just... Tucker.**

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><p>RvB: ODST<p>

Chapter 2:

Sarge

Tayari Plaza

Immediately after drop

Two of the drop pods came down in the middle of the colony's capital city of New Mombiquo: those of the team leaders, Sarge and Church. Their pods rammed into each other's as they came down, bouncing off and smashing into buildings on different sides of the Tayari Plaza.

Sarge regained consciousness after about a minute. His helmet's comms had been activated in the crash, and Church was on the other end. "Hey! If anybody that I hate is out there, respond!"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm here, Blue..." Sarge replied, starting to punch the emergency release switches on the front panel of his drop pod.

"Oh, great, it's Sarge," Church muttered. "All right, where are you?"

"Hang on a second..." Sarge said, hitting the last switch and blasting the front panel of the pod off. He jumped out and aimed his standard-issue M6G Magnum pistol. He'd had the opportunity to exchange it with the more stealthy M6C/SOCOM pistols that they'd been offered for the mission, but being who he was, Sarge stuck with his traditional non-suppressed, harder-hitting weapons.

"Well, whenever you get done screwing around, I could use some help," Church snapped.

Sarge activated his suit's motion tracker, which showed another suit's transponder signal to be on the other side of the plaza: Church.

"Yeah, all right, I'm on my way," Sarge said. He pulled his shotgun out of its hold in the drop pod, as well as some extra ammunition, and jogged towards an overlook position. Just then, a Covenant 'Phantom' dropship flew overhead, and Sarge ducked down.

As if on cue, Church said over the comms, "Just be careful, okay? This place is packed with aliens."

Sarge looked down and pulled back the pump on his shotgun, loading a round. "I appreciate the concern."

"Yeah, well, won't be much of a rescue mission if you end up dead," Church responded.

Sarge watched as multiple aliens dropped out of the bottom of the dropship through some kind of gravity lift. Before they landed, Sarge had already raced to the other side of the street; usually not one to run away from a fight, he figured that he could certainly find plenty of it in the city later. He continued down the alley, where suddenly two figures in gray armor and Command-issue helmets jumped out from behind a ruined jeep.

"Hey, friendlies, comin' out!" one called.

"Aaaah!" Sarge said, firing his shotgun.

The extremely large 8-gauge round that Sarge, startled, had fired from his shotgun ripped through the first trooper's armor, killing him, but not before he screamed, "Blaaagh!"

"Oh my God, you killed Jo-enes!" the other trooper cried.

The first troop, coughing, whispered, "I told you, it's Jones... Heergghh-blaaah..." With that, he died.

"Nooooooo! Jo-enes!" the other trooper cried.

Just then, the group of aliens, who had by now heard the commotion, appeared at the edge of the alley where Sarge had come from. "Oh, snap!" Sarge said in a manner rather unlike him.

"Shit! Forget Jo-enes, let's move!" the other trooper said, lifting his MA5C assault rifle and running.

The two of them continued down the alley, where the trooper said, "Okay, I'll pretend the whole Jo-enes thing didn't happen, trooper; we need to find an open building so we can flank those Covenant and kill 'em."

"Yeah, sounds like a plan," Sarge said, pumping a new round into his shotgun.

"Just don't kill me, too, okay?" the trooper said, aiming his assault rifle forward as he approached a door. He pressed a button on the door, and it opened. "Come on, let's go."

They headed inside the darkened building, where Sarge activated the flashlight that was attached to his shotgun. As the light came on, it flashed on a wall covered in blood.

"Okay, eeww," the trooper said.

"Ahhh, I love blood and violence," Sarge said.

Just then, over their comms, they heard, "Hey, Sarge, where the fuck are you? I've got aliens comin' at me from all over the place, and - shit! Where the fuck did THAT ONE come from?"

Suddenly, there was silence over the comms. "What was that all about?" the trooper asked.

"Hang on, Church, I'm comin'!" Sarge said over his comms. "Hey, gray guy, good luck with those aliens," he added as he ran down the corridor.

"Wait, what?" the trooper said, just as an alien opened the door and tossed a plasma grenade in his direction.

Sarge raced out of the building and down another street. He soon arrived at the other end of Tayari Plaza, where he found a drop pod on the lower level.

"There ya are, Blue..." Sarge said to himself. He headed down the stairs to the drop pod, and he pried off the front panel... only to find there was no one inside.

"What in Sam Hill? Where are you, ya dirty Blue?" Sarge asked aloud.

Just then, a large, floating squid-like creature in armor appeared from the other side of the drop pod.

"EEEEEIIIIIIIYAAAAAAHHHHH!" Sarge said, falling back and dropping his shotgun.

The alien moved closer, when suddenly its head was blown off by a sniper rifle round. Sarge looked up and saw Church on the upper level.

"Oh-my-God! I got it! Yeah, suck it, aliens! I can finally work this sniper rifle!" Church roared proudly.

Just then, a trill of beeping noises came from the fallen alien's armor, and Sarge jumped back again to avoid the explosion that came soon after. The blast sent the front panel of Church's pod flying through the large open window of a nearby building...

"What the hell was that?" Sarge asked, standing up as Church now approached.

"Don't know, but it would've greased your ass good... whatever the hell that means... Anyway, way to jump back cowering in fear from that thing. I'm sure if I hadn't been around to save YOU, that strategy would've worked pretty well."

"Ah, shut it, Blue, I was just startled..." Sarge grumbled. "You hear from Grif or Simmons?"

"Nah, negative; knowing your guys, they probably bought it coming down," Church replied.

"Tucker?"

"Eh, him too, probably."

"We need to get the hell outta here, find one of them drones Command was telling me about; they'll probably have seen where our men hit," Sarge said.

"Yeah, all right, let's get moving," Church said, and the two team leaders took off.

Donut

Donut looked out through the building's window at Tayari Plaza, a light rain now starting to fall. He then looked back at the front panel of the drop pod, not knowing whose pod it had belonged to. Shaking his head, he took his suppressed submachine gun back out and headed downstairs.

"I wonder where I should go now? I hope the others are okay..." he said to himself.

Just then, another monitor activated, flashing an arrow that pointed him out of the building and back onto the streets. There, he found a Mongoose all-terrain vehicle.

"Aw, sweet!" Donut said happily. "A motorcycle!"

He climbed aboard and started down the street, following still more arrows until he arrived at a large roundabout. In the center was a statue that looked like it had been recently destroyed, small fires surrounding its remains.

"Hmm..." Donut said, climbing off the Mongoose and looking around. Just then, a glint caught his eye. He slowly approached the large, cylindrical object, which had a glowing red eye.

"I wonder what this is..." he said, and he grunted as he hefted the object up. The eye swiveled around to look at him, but couldn't focus; having been blown off of the drone it had been attached to, the optics camera was not functioning properly. Meanwhile, Donut started to have another flashback...

"You hear from Grif or Simmons?"

"Nah, negative."

"We need to get the hell outta here, find one of them drones Command was telling me about..."


	4. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: Halo is the product of Bungie, and Red vs. Blue is the product of the fine geniuses of Rooster Teeth. **

**Author's note: Hello, everyone. Here's Chapter 3. Read and review!**

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><p>RvB: ODST<p>

Chapter 3:

Tucker

Uplift Nature Reserve

30 minutes after drop

The two fighter drones that Command had dispatched rocketed towards New Mombiquo from the water. Skimming over its surface, the fighter optics of one of the drones noticed a figure emerging from a large, box-like object on the beach.

The box was actually a drop pod, and the figure was actually Tucker of Blue Team. He pulled out his Energy Sword and activated it as the two drones soared past.

"Good hunting, boys, but I'm keeping my boots on the ground," he said to them. "...I have no idea why I said THAT. That was a little fuckin' weird..."

Shaking his head, Tucker headed down the beach and up a small dirt path that led further into the artificial island that was the Uplift Nature Reserve. The path led to a wide-open green area; well, it was partially green, but there were now deep scars in the ground from explosions, and more were appearing. There was a Covenant 'Wraith' tank nearby.

Closer to Tucker was an overturned Warthog jeep. The jeep was surrounded by more gray-clad troopers sent from Command. "Hey, teal guy!" one of them called out over his comms, "come help us secure this vehicle!"

Not having much of a choice, Tucker ran over, but as he did, a Chopper sped right in front of him, barely missing him. Its Brute pilot growled angrily.

"HOLY SHIT!" Tucker yelled.

"Come on, get over here, trooper!" the Command trooper yelled, firing his Battle Rifle.

The Chopper swerved around to face Tucker. The Brute grinned devilishly and revved its engines.

"All right, come on, bi-atch..." Tucker whispered, slowly waving his Energy Sword.

The Brute roared in response and the Chopper sped towards him. "Wait for it, wait for it..." Tucker told himself. "...NOW!"

Tucker then jumped to the side of the oncoming Chopper, again avoiding being run over by just a few inches. He also managed to scrape the side of the Chopper with his powerful Energy Sword, which caused a chain reaction that destroyed the Chopper and its pilot.

"Niiice!" the Command trooper called. "Now get your ass over here!"

Tucker now ran over and helped another trooper flip the Warthog upright. He then climbed onto the back and loaded a .50 caliber round into its machine gun turret, while the other two troopers climbed in the passenger and driver seats.

"All right," the trooper said, activating his long-range comms, "Command, this is Delta-One, we are Oscar-Mike to the objective."

"Uh, what is the objective, guys?" Tucker asked.

"The Covenant came here in a big ship. We need to help secure its landing zone; snatch a Tier One Asset, whatever the hell those are," the Command trooper explained.

The trooper drove the Warthog down a long, narrow path that snaked through the island. Multiple Banshees soared overhead, but Tucker wisely chose not to fire on them in order to avoid attracting attention. However, the trio was soon unable to avoid this, as they exited the pass and jumped a gap that placed them right below a Phantom dropship.

"Shit, shit, shit!" the Command trooper said just as quickly as he drove them away from the dropship as it began to fire its cannons at the jeep.

Tucker fired back as a voice came over the trio's comms: "Command, this is Alpha-Two; Alpha-One is down, it's just me and three other guys here, need immediate assistance."

"Alpha Two, this is Delta-One, we're inbound," the Command trooper responded.

"Glad to hear it; we've got Wraiths," Alpha-Two replied calmly.

"All right, Teal Guy, there's gonna be some tanks up ahead; get ready with that machine gun," Delta-One said.

"W-T-Fuck?" Tucker exclaimed. "Whatever happened to getting to that landing zone? Shouldn't we be doing that instead of charging at TANKS with a JEEP?"

"Quit your bitching and fire on those Wraiths!" Delta-One yelled.

Just then, the Wraiths came into view, and all three of the large, purplish-blue machines began launching plasma mortar blasts at the Warthog. With no choice now, Tucker began crazily firing the .50 caliber, killing a Brute turret gunner on one of the Wraiths. However, as Delta-One approached the first Wraith, he attempted a power-slide with the brakes in order to get behind the tank, and he ended up causing the jeep to flip.

"Oh, FUCK!" the trooper yelled.

"Bail!" Tucker yelled even louder as the Wraith came barreling down on them.

The Wraith activated its boosters, plowing into the jeep and destroying it, as well as killing the Command trooper who had been in the passenger seat. Tucker and Delta-One had managed to jump behind a nearby rock, but it would only protect them for a few moments.

"All right, change of plans," Delta-One said before activating his comms. "Alpha-Two, Delta-One; that's a negative on stopping those Wraiths, I've lost a man and our jeep and now WE'RE pinned down. We'll give you guys covering fire while you head for the path where we came from. Me and my guy will continue on to the LZ."

"Roger that, thanks, Delta-One," Alpha-Two responded.

"All right, Teal Guy, you got anything besides that sword of yours, because you're gonna have to get a little closer than I think you'd like to use that," Delta-One asked, turning to Tucker.

Tucker sighed and said, "Yeah..." as he holstered his sword and pulled out his M7S submachine gun.

"All right, let's go... NOW!" Delta-One yelled.

Just then, another Command fighter drone sped overhead and dropped a wave of ordnance down on the trio of Wraiths, destroying them all.

"Aw, hell yeah!" Tucker exclaimed.

More bad news came, though, as the combat drone was suddenly downed by a blast of anti-aircraft fire from another, AA-modified Wraith tank. Its optics package was sent flying towards the entrance to the park...

"Oh, great..." Delta-One said. "All right, Teal Guy, let's get outta here and head into the city. You bring anyone else down here with you?"

"Yeah, but knowing them, they're probably all dead by now," Tucker replied casually.

"That's too bad; we're gonna need all the help we can get."

Donut

Donut looked over the drone's optics package once more, and then carefully set it down. He looked around at the darkened city that surrounded him, and aimed his submachine gun forward once more as he walked back towards his Mongoose ATV.

As Donut started the Mongoose, another television screen lit up at the far end of the street, saying "HEAD RIGHT."

"You know," Donut said to himself, "I shouldn't always follow strangely-activating signs; I need to find my own way in life!"

The sign then changed to "NO, SERIOUSLY, HEAD RIGHT. IT'S THE RIGHT WAY TO GO."

"Oh, sure, that's what they all tell me," Donut argued, "That my way isn't the 'right' way; well, I'm just tired of that!"

The sign went black for a few moments, then said, "OH MY GOD, THIS GUY IS THE ONLY ONE LEFT? PLEASE KILL ME NOW..."

"Oh, no, don't talk like that," Donut protested. "Here, look, I'll go right."

With that, he headed down the city street, humming as he drove. "Doo-doo-doo-doo-doo! Doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo... huh?"

There were suddenly multiple flashing signs pointing toward a specific building at the intersection. At the top of the building was another open room with some type of large gun pointing outside.

"Hmmm..." Donut said, pulling out his submachine gun and hopping off the Mongoose. He headed inside and climbed the stairs to the top floor, where he approached the turret. The gun seemed to have been mangled by a plasma blast. Still, Donut lifted it up and pretended to aim it.

"Pt-choo, pt-choo, gotcha, ha ha," Donut said, grinning. Just then, he felt another flashback coming on...

"All right, Teal Guy, let's get outta here and head into the city. You bring anyone else down here with you?"

"Yeah, but knowing them, they're probably all dead by now."

"That's too bad; we're gonna need all the help we can get..."


	5. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: Halo is the product of Bungie, and Red vs. Blue is the product of the fine geniuses of Rooster Teeth. **

**Author's note: Hello, everyone. Here's Chapter 4. Please read and review! (By the way, there's a joke in here with reference to Simmons that only the pretty knowledgable RvB fans will get. Enjoy!)**

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><p>RvB: ODST<p>

Chapter 4:

Simmons

Kizingo Boulevard

90 minutes after drop

Simmons did not have a good landing. In close proximity to his Red teammates, his pod was sent slightly off-angle by Grif's collision with Donut's drop pod, and his chute failed to open at the right moment. The sickening crash that Simmons' pod sustained did not kill him, and it actually didn't even seriously hurt him, but he was out of commission for over an hour, unconscious inside his pod.

When he did awake with a groan, he shoved the drop pod's front panel off and climbed out into the street where he had landed. The sun shone brightly overhead as Simmons grabbed his M6C/SOCOM pistol, and he pulled a rocket launcher out of his pod for good measure. With these tools of destruction, which would probably be more effective in the hands of someone else, Simmons took off down the street.

As Simmons came to an intersection, a Command tank sped past him, its driver hitting the reverse pedal hard. Two Command troopers followed on foot behind, running fast to catch up to the retreating tank.

"Hey, guys, where's the fight at?" Simmons called out to them.

"Take a guess, dumbass!" one of the troopers yelled back, not stopping.

Simmons looked around the corner to see a Wraith tank moving towards him from the other end of the street. He started to join the Command troopers in running just as it fired its plasma mortar, sending an immense blast that landed almost exactly where he had been standing.

"SON OF A BITCH!" Simmons yelled, now practically sprinting to catch up to the Command troopers.

"You want to live, then get your ass out of the street!" the other Command trooper yelled, running for the cover of an alley.

"Wait for me!" Simmons called as he ran at full speed. Just as he turned the corner that led to the alley, he nearly ran into the retreating Scorpion tank, which had stopped retreating and was aiming its main gun.

"SON OF A BITCH!" Simmons repeated, and he dove into the alley; he was actually moved a few inches in midair by the immense recoil from the tank's cannon blast.

"Trooper, get to the Scorpion tank before that Wraith takes it out!" the Command trooper ordered.

"Uh, yeah, what's my motivation in this situation?" Simmons asked fairly calmly.

"Your... WHAT? Your 'motivation' is me not kicking your ass right now! GET IN THE DAMN TANK!" the trooper roared.

"Okay, okay! Sheesh..." Simmons said, running back out of the alley and jumping onto the Scorpion tank. Its driver climbed out and began firing his assault rifle at Covenant troops, which were approaching from the other side of the plaza. Simmons, meanwhile, climbed into the cockpit of the tank.

"Hello, and welcome to the M808-B Main Battle Tank. My name is Phyllis," the female voice of the Scorpion tank announced.

"Oh, nice to meet you, Phyllis," Simmons said. "Hey, you know, you sound like someone I know..."

"TROOPER, FIRE THE DAMN GUN!" the Command trooper roared over his comms.

"Yeah, yeah, I got it," Simmons muttered. He then rotated the Scorpion tank's turret and fired a round that actually hit the Wraith tank perfectly. The Covenant tank's plasma mortar was ripped off in the blast, and a small explosion of blue flames exited the tank's cockpit, which obviously explained the condition of its pilot.

"Nice work, trooper, now bring that turret round!" the Command trooper yelled from outside the tank, firing his Battle Rifle at approaching Covenant troops.

Simmons rotated the tank's turret once again, now firing its .30 caliber machine gun. The barrage of bullets began ripping through the various alien forms that were now assaulting the Command troopers' position in the plaza, and bluish and purple shades of blood spattered everywhere.

"Yeah, woo-hoo!" Simmons yelled gloriously. "Suck it aliens!"

Soon, between Simmons' nonstop machine gun-firing and the marksmanship of the Command troopers, all of the Covenant in the plaza were dead. Most of the troopers began jogging down the street where the Covenant had come from, while the remaining four climbed on the sides of Simmons' tank.

"Nicely done, uh... what was your name, trooper?" the Command trooper asked.

"Private First Class Richard Simmons, at your service," Simmons said from within the tank.

"Well all right, Simmons," the trooper said, "the Covenant's been pushing us back all the way to this plaza; now we're gonna do a little pushing of our own, if you know what I mean."

"... Uh, are you talking about gay stuff?" Simmons asked warily.

"W-WHAT?" the trooper roared. "NO! I'm talking about taking the fight to the goddamned Covenant!"

"Oh... 'kay," Simmons said.

The Command trooper sighed and said, "Just get this thing moving, you Dutch-Irish bastard."

"Yes! On it," Simmons said gleefully.

The tank rolled down the street, soon passing the other Command troopers. Occasional Covenant snipers and plasma turret positions fired at the tank as it headed down Kizingo Boulevard, resulting in two casualties that simply fell off of the tank, dead before they hit the pavement.

"Just keep moving, Simmons," the Command trooper said, "we need to get to our rally point."

Just then, a voice came over the comms: "No, no, THOSE aliens! Yeah, the ones that are shooting at US! No, no, no, not THOSE! They're not shooting at us yet! Goddamn it, why didn't I just kill myself this morning?"

"Grif?" Simmons said.

Grif apparently didn't hear him over the comms; he was probably too busy with the Covenant that were apparently firing on his position. "Damn it!" he hissed. "Why did I let Simmons take the rocket launcher? That douchebag is probably off kissing Sarge's ass while I'm getting shot at by tanks... Oh, hey, a tank!"

Simmons looked through the viewing port in the tank's hatch, and managed to see Grif waving at the Scorpion from the far side of the plaza. To the Scorpion tank's left were two Wraith tanks firing on Grif's position.

"Hey, would you mind opening fire on those guys?" Grif yelled over the comms.

"I don't know, I think I may be too much of a DOUCHEBAG to operate this thing!" Simmons replied angrily.

"Ohhhh, Simmons!" Grif said in realization. "Yeah, when I said 'douchebag,' I meant it in the best possible way you can describe someone as a douchebag."

"Yeah, that way doesn't exist, jackass," Simmons snapped. "I'll just save your stupid ass now, thank you." He then rotated the tank's turret and fired two quick cannon shots that destroyed both Wraith tanks.

"Okay, get out of that tank and come to my position," Grif said over the comms.

"Wait, what the FUCK? I just saved you, and YOU'RE giving ME orders?" Simmons exclaimed.

"Oh, just get over here, already," Grif said.

"Goddammit," Simmons muttered, and he climbed out of the tank. The Command trooper that had been directing him now climbed into the cockpit, and drove the rest of the Command troopers that were riding on the sides to the rally point on the other side of the plaza's eastern wall. Simmons, meanwhile, ran towards Grif's position, which was behind two large barricades and in front of the blast-proof doors that were between them and the rally point. Before the two could argue any further, the doors suddenly began to open, and the growls on the other side were probably NOT from Command troopers.

"Oh, crap! More aliens!" Grif said, raising his Battle Rifle. He ducked behind one of the barricades, while Simmons moved behind the other, readying his rocket launcher.

A large group of Grunts, the mainstay of the Covenant armies, came through the open doors, followed by their two Brute squad leaders. Simmons quickly stood and fired a rocket at the group before jumping back behind his barricade just as quickly. He and Grif heard a multitude of screams amidst the ensuing explosion, and Grif moved from behind his barricade, looking through the scope of his rifle. There were still a few aliens trudging forward, including the two Brutes, who now began firing their plasma rifles at Grif.

"OH, FUCK!" Grif screamed, jumping back behind his barricade. "I COULD USE SOME HELP HERE, SIMMONS!"

"Okay, okay!" Simmons yelled back, and he strapped his rocket launcher to his back and pulled out his M6C/SOCOM pistol. He began firing rapidly at the oncoming Grunts, scoring a few headshots. As the Brutes began to fire on him, Grif took out two grenades and tossed them at the group of Covenant. The resulting blasts killed the remaining aliens.

"Phew!" Grif sighed, relieved. "Glad that's over! Let's get to the rally point."

The two headed through the blast doors and down the street that the Covenant had come from, soon reaching the intersection where the Command troops had arrived and secured a perimeter.

"Hey, have you heard from Sarge?" Simmons asked Grif as they approached the Command troopers.

"Dude, you heard what I said over the comms; I thought YOU had," Grif replied.

"Guess it's just us for now, then," Simmons said.

"Ugh, great..." Grif muttered.

Just then, another nearby blast door opened, and a New Mombiquo police officer approached, in full tactical gear. "Thank God! Does one of you know how to use explosives?"

Simmons and Grif looked at each other. "Ugh..." Grif repeated.

Donut

Donut looked forward through the ruined Gauss turret's sights thoughtfully, staring out at the streets below. After another few moments, he lowered the cannon and stepped out of the turret, turning to go back downstairs. Just then, the whirring noise of a Phantom dropship caused him to turn around. It swooped down and began hovering over the nearby plaza, Brutes jumping off its sides. Donut wisely decided to head out of the building through the back door.

Donut climbed back onto his Mongoose and followed another neon sign, which led him through another set of blast doors, the ones that Simmons and Grif had found themselves standing in front of a few hours before, actually...

The blast doors led to another large plaza whose main feature was a double set of blast doors with a sign above them that announced where they led: NAVAL INTELLIGENCE.

"Hmm... Maybe I can find these Command guys Sarge said we were working with," Donut said. "I'd certainly like some company."

Just as another Phantom landed in this plaza, the Covenant clearly now out in force in the nighttime city, Donut headed through one of the blast doors and through a tunnel. The blast doors at the other end led him back outside to the few remains of the bridge that once connected the plaza to the Naval Intelligence building, which was now on fire.

"Woah... I wonder what happened here..." Donut wondered, feeling another flashback coming on...

"All right, men, stand by to adjust trajectory."

"Wait, WHAT? What the fuck do those words mean?"

"Ugh... fine, you idiots! I'll do it myself!"


	6. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: Halo is the product of Bungie, and Red vs. Blue is the product of the fine geniuses of Rooster Teeth. **

**Author's note: Hello, everyone. Here's Chapter 5. Please read and review!**

* * *

><p>RvB: ODST<p>

Chapter 5:

Grif

New Mombiquo Naval Intelligence Headquarters

2 hours after drop

Private Negative First Class Dexter Grif, who had lovingly laid claim to his trusty Battle Rifle as his weapon of choice for what he hoped would be his last mission, had now traded it to a New Mombiquo police officer for a very rare, as well as extremely necessary, Spartan Laser anti-vehicle weapon.

It was probably the only thing that allowed the New Mombiquo police officers to convince him to head out onto the bridge with Simmons. They needed to buy some time in defending the Naval Intelligence headquarters, and the Covenant would definitely be using the bridge to get there.

As Grif aimed the Spartan Laser forward, a Wraith tank approached the far side of the bridge. "Goddammit, hurry up, Simmons!" Grif demanded.

"Look, you want to do this, Grif? Be my guest. But this ain't a job you wanna rush," Simmons said as he activated the first remote detonator.

"Simmons, why does it feel like we're saying lines out of some really crummy video game?" Grif now asked nonchalantly.

"Fuck if I know..." Simmons said, now turning to the observation tower on the Naval Intelligence headquarters' side of the bridge. "That do it?"

"Yeah, signal's good!" the New Mombiquo police officer said over his comms. "Arm the other detonators and pull back to me!"

"Let's move it, Grif!" Simmons called.

"Oh, sure, now I'M the one who isn't moving fast enough."

"Oh, just shut the hell up and let's get moving."

Unqualified soldiers or not, Simmons and Grif were certainly now in a heated combat situation. Plasma bursts and mortar rounds were barely missing them as they ran back across the bridge. Simmons fired off two rockets with his launcher, destroying one of a trio of arriving Wraith tanks. Meanwhile, Grif began arming the other charges.

"All right, let's get the fuck out of here!" Grif called out.

Simmons nodded as he loaded two new rounds into his rocket launcher, and then began following Grif towards the observation tower. Grif screamed out, "GO! LIGHT THIS THING THE FUCK UP!"

The police officer nodded and pressed several buttons on a nearby keypad. Just as Covenant troops and the two remaining Wraith tanks began crossing the bridge towards their position, it collapsed in a massive chain of explosions.

"ALL RIGHT!" Grif said, pleased. "Grif-tastic!"

Just then, two Phantom dropships swooped down and passed over the entrance to the plaza in front of the Naval Intelligence building. "Aw, man, Covenant's landing on the other side of the wall," one of the New Mombiquo police officers lamented.

Grif, with a sigh, responded, "What a surprise..."

The four police officers ran for the plaza, with Grif and Simmons close behind. The police officers were actually as well-outfitted as the Command troopers that the two had been working with; they wore tactical body armor and helmets with ballistics facemasks, and they carried suppressed submachine guns and sniper rifles.

They still, however, were little match against the Covenant. As soon as they entered the plaza, two were killed by plasma fire from the main cannon of one of the Phantom dropships, whose troops were already jumping off of its sides: Brutes, Grunts and Jackals. Simmons and one of the police officers took cover behind a small steel barricade, while Grif and the other officer ducked down in the stairwell. Simmons stood and fired a rocket at the still-massed

Covenant troops, killing a Jackal and several Grunts, as well as allowing him to move up and pick up the two weapons from the fallen police officers. He threw both the submachine gun and the sniper rifle over his shoulder, and he pulled out his M6C/SOCOM pistol, holding it in his left hand as he hefted the rocket launcher in his right.

"Showoff..." Grif muttered.

With that, Simmons began moving forward, keeping the remaining Grunts cowering from his fast pistol shots, while he fired his other rocket at their two Brute commanders, who were reduced to less than dust by the blast. The two police officers now joined Simmons in firing, while Grif stayed back to aim his Spartan Laser at the other Phantom, which was just now dropping more Covenant troops. He managed to fire two good shots, both of which struck one of the Phantom's main engines, destroying it and killing all Covenant aboard. Within a few moments, all of the Covenant in the plaza were dead.

"ALL RIGHT! Grif-tastic plus two!" Grif cheered.

Just then, three more Phantoms began approaching the plaza, and Grif roared, "OH, COME ON, WHAT THE FUCK?"

"We can't take on all of them!" one of the police officers cried. "Fall back to the Naval Intelligence building.

Grif was the first to start running, doing so happily. Simmons and the two officers followed, sending rather useless suppressing fire at the arriving dropships. One of the main cannons of the Phantoms answered their fire with several plasma bursts, one of which killed another police officer.

The remaining police officer, Grif and Simmons all entered the large Naval Intelligence building, the blast doors sealing behind them. Another squad of New Mombiquo police officers, all also well-armed, waited in the building's atrium. There were dozens of explosive charges set on the main supports and walls of the building.

"Hurry up, men, check those charges!" a police officer, clearly the sergeant, ordered.

"Wait, what the fuck?" Simmons asked. "More explosives?"

"Yeah, what the hell? I thought we were supposed to protect this place," Grif protested.

"I have orders to deny Covenant access to all data housed in this facility. You don't like it, you can jump your butts back into orbit," the police sergeant said.

"Dude, the only thing I don't like is that our butts are currently inside this building," Grif replied.

Just then, a loud hissing noise penetrated the atrium. The team looked to see a large beam of blue light emanating from the two sets of blast doors that had sealed off the atrium from the outdoor plaza.

"Oh, no, they're cutting through the doors!" a police officer cried.

"Settle down, men; find some cover!" the sergeant ordered. "And somebody get on that damn machine gun!"

"I've got it," Grif said stoically as he manned the police-commandeered, triple-barreled heavy machine gun. Simmons, having abandoned his empty rocket launcher, now aimed his sniper rifle forward, his suppressed submachine gun and pistol on top of the rectangular steel barricade he was taking cover behind. The police officers all took cover behind barricades, as well, ready with assault rifles and, in the sergeant's case, a shotgun.

There was an intense silence for almost a minute, and then they arrived. Two Grunts came through each pair of fallen blast doors, screaming and carrying activated plasma grenades.

"Oh, shit! Kamikazes!" a police officer warned.

"Shit, shit, shit!" Grif said, opening fire. After a long burst, he killed both

Grunts before they reached their position, the plasma grenades exploding harmlessly in the hall.

"Left side, trooper!" the police sergeant called out to Grif.

Grif now turned the machine gun to the left set of blast doors, where a team of Grunts and Jackals, led by a Brute captain, entered the hall. The Brute threw a well-aimed spike grenade, which landed in between the sergeant and another officer, impaling them with at least a dozen sharp spikes. They didn't even have time to scream.

Simmons and the other officers were too stunned to react, but Grif was fortunately concerned with surviving, and fired a hail of bullets at the oncoming Covenant troops, keeping them behind their own cover. As the Brute began trying to suppress his fire with its 'Spiker' rifle, Simmons aimed his sniper rifle and fired, sending a high-velocity sabot round through the Brute captain's skull, obliterating it. The police officers now began helping, as well, firing their assault rifles at the pinned-down Grunts. However, they had still more troubles.

"Grif, scan right!" Simmons yelled, now firing his sniper rifle at Grunt kamikazes entering the right set of blown-out blast doors. His rifle's clip was empty, however, before he could kill them all, and a Grunt managed to leap at him and the police officers, detonating its plasma grenades. The blast only slightly damaged Simmons' suit, but the officers didn't have the armor needed to save them from being killed by the resulting blast.

"SON OF A BITCH!" Simmons roared. "Fall back, Grif!"

"Yeah, on it!" Grif yelled as he fired one more wave of bullets at the Covenant troops now swarming into the building.

The two retreated just as several plasma grenades were tossed at Grif's machine gun position, which was completely destroyed. As they started running for the other side of the atrium, which led out to a large lake behind the Naval Intelligence headquarters, an elevator arrived.

"You guys, let's go!" he called out to them with a frantic wave. "I've set enough charges to blow this place twice!"

Simmons and Grif entered the elevator, where the now battle-tested, orange-clad trooper slammed his hand down on the button that sent them up a shaft to the roof of the building.

"Pelican's gonna meet us on the roof," the police officer assured them. And, sure enough, there was a Pelican dropship labeled "POLICE" hovering just above the building as the three arrived on the roof.

As they climbed into the Pelican, they heard a familiar voice call out, "Hey, guys!" They turned and saw Tucker jogging towards the Pelican.

"Tucker? How did you get here?" Simmons asked incredulously.

Tucker looked inward for a moment, seeing the alien grin and grunt a sinister laugh over the romp they shared... "Trust me, dude, you... you don't want to know," he responded with a sigh.

As he too climbed aboard, the police officer said, "Hey, any of you guys know a 'Sarge?'"

"Sure do!" Simmons said happily.

"Ugh... sure do," Grif said with not as much enthusiasm.

"Patching him through," the police officer said with a thumbs-up.

"Glad to hear you made it through in one piece, Simmons and... well..." Sarge said over the intercom.

Grif sighed and said, "It's okay, Sarge, I get it, you're not glad to hear I made it through, as well."

"Astute observation, Private - uh, Grif? Really? Ugh..." Sarge muttered, realizing the irony that ended the discussion.

"You, uh, need a pickup, Sarge?" Simmons asked.

"As long as you're offering," Sarge said, "Church and I are in the police headquarters."

Simmons turned to the police officer and asked, "Can you take us there?"

The police officer sighed and said, "I guess so."

"Well, excuse me for saying this, but you could be a little more enthusiastic. After all, you're helping to rescue one of the finest commanders the Red Army has ever - "

"Uh, yeah, I'm just gonna stop you right there, Simmons; you're not even on comms right now, so stop kissing Sarge's ass off the air, too," Grif said.

"Oh, shut up, Grif," Simmons said, reactivating his headset. "Roger, Sarge, we're on our way."

"Affirmative, see you up top."

Just as Sarge left the comms, Simmons, Grif, and the police officers jumped at the sound of a deafening explosion. They turned to see the Naval Intelligence headquarters being engulfed in fire as they flew away.

"Good riddance," Grif muttered.

Donut

Donut stared at the burning remains of the Naval Intelligence building. He then looked at the explosive charge he had picked up, and spun it out towards the lake surrounding the building. It skipped off the water a few times before sinking.

"Aw, yeah, two points," Donut said with a grin.

He then climbed back onto his Mongoose and headed back towards Kizingo Boulevard, where more signs led him on. He eventually arrived at another headquarters, those of the New Mombiquo Police Department.

Donut looked around, aiming his suppressed submachine gun. He then slowly looked up to see a sniper rifle hanging from a steel cable overhead. Donut looked around and found a fallen metal rod, which he lifted and used to knock the sniper rifle off its perch. As he caught it, he noticed that its long barrel had been crazily bent to the left. Though he tried with all his strength to correct this, it remained bent. "Hmm..." Donut said, feeling another flashback coming on...

"Church and I are in the police headquarters."

"Can you take us there?"

"{sigh} I guess so."

"Affirmative, see you up top..."


	7. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: Halo is the product of Bungie, and Red vs. Blue is the product of the fine geniuses of Rooster Teeth. **

* * *

><p>RvB: ODST<p>

Chapter 6:

Church

New Mombiquo Police Headquarters

3 Hours After Drop

The door to the outer deck of the police HQ's upper level was locked, so a dramatic entry with guns pointed forward was out of the question.

"Damn it, hang on..." Church said. "...There! I got it - no, wait, h-hang on..."

"Damn it, Church, hurry up! We've got aliens to slaughter," Sarge demanded.

"You know, I'm pretty sure I'm the one that's been doing all the alien killing, and I'm just a computer program!" Church argued.

"Yeah, well, shut up," Sarge expertly retorted.

"There, I got it," Church said, the door opening.

The two team leaders raised their weapons as the door opened. Sarge looked around and said, "Clear?"

"No, we just looked around and there's no enemies... of course it's clear, you douche!" Church snapped.

"Well, you don't have to get snippy..." Sarge muttered.

They walked out onto the platform, and Sarge activated his headset. "Hey, Donut, you out there? Respond, cupcake, that's an order."

"Sarge, it's them," Church interrupted, nodding towards the approaching Pelican.

"Welcome aboard, ladies," Grif said over his headset. "Next stop, anywhere but here, thank God."

Just then, Church looked past the Pelican. "Oh, shit! Banshees!"

The team members aboard the Pelican turned around. "Oh, shit! Banshees!" Tucker shouted.

Over his headset, Simmons screamed, "Oh, shit! Banshees!"

"Oh, SHIT! Banshees!" Grif also screamed.

"Hit the deck!" Sarge said, diving to the platform.

Church did so, as well, just as the Pelican was hit by two blasts from the pair of incoming Banshees. It hit the platform just beyond them before sliding off and flying away, out of control.

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" Grif screamed over his headset. "Why didn't I just take that rat poison last night! Things would have ended so much better!..."

Sarge jumped up as the Pelican disappeared behind the skyscrapers beyond the police HQ. "Simmons, are you there?" he called over his headset. "Meatsack, I mean, Grif, I mean, meatsack! Respond! Dammit, Church, let's go!"

"Right!" Church said. "Wait, do you mean back inside? With all the Covenant we passed on the way up? Yeah, maybe we shouldn't do that."

"Come on, quit your bitching and let's go."

They ran back inside and up the next flight of stairs. "Hey, by the way, thanks for picking such a tall building. I'm REALLY enjoying all these stairs," Church gasped as they did so.

"Do you ever get tired of bitching, Blue?" Sarge asked, exasperated.

"You ever get tired of busting my balls, Sarge?" Church responded.

"...Point taken."

They went through the doors at the top of the stairs, entering a rooftop plaza with a dozen Covenant troops trudging around on the lower level.

"YEEHAW!" Sarge shouted, firing his shotgun even though it had no effect at their distance. "Let's get these Covvies, Blue - shoot and scoot!"

"Oh, great, now you're yelling again? You know that gets their attention, right?" Church said as he aimed his sniper rifle at a far-off Brute. However, his shot missed entirely. "Damn it!"

Sarge, meanwhile, was already jumping down to the lower level, blasting through Grunts with his shotgun. After emptying his last round into the closest Brute, he picked up its Brute Shot and said, "Hey, what does this gun do?" He unknowingly activated the trigger and fired a grenade across the plaza into another Grunt, killing it.

"Works for me," Sarge said nonchalantly, and he began firing at the rest of the Covenant as Church successfully sniped his Brute target, removing its power armor.

Just then, Simmons came over their comms. "Sarge, can you hear me?"

"I read you, Simmons," Sarge said as he killed the last Grunt with the bladed edge of his Brute Shot. "Where are you?"

"The ship is down, on a rooftop not far from your location. The cop that we're with is trying to move a construction crane to make a bridge from your rooftop to ours," Simmons explained.

"Got it, we're on our way," Sarge said as he reloaded his shotgun. "Church, front and center!"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm coming," Church muttered as he jumped down to the lower level.

They ran through the next set of doors there, leading out to a platform from which they could see the adjacent building. The downed Pelican was there, and a crane was now moved into position to get them across.

"Wait, _that's_ our bridge? You have got to be fuckin' kidding me," Church said.

"Ah, just get across, Blue, before I kill you myself," Sarge urged.

After ten minutes of Sarge basically shoving Church inch-by-inch across the crane, they hopped onto the rooftop crash site.

"What's the situation, men?" Sarge asked.

"What does the situation look like? Our ship's wasted, the pilot's dead, and now we're screwed - all because you wanted to go on this goddamned mission!" Grif yelled.

"And I had to do it with an alien again!" Tucker added in.

"Um, Tucker, I'm pretty sure no one was holding a gun to your head to do that," Church said.

"The alien was! He was like the last Elite in the whole city, and it was the only way I was getting out of there alive," Tucker explained.

"Yeah, _that_ was the only possible way," Grif said sarcastically.

"Hey, you weren't stuck in that fuckin' park, man. It certainly wasn't a walk in the park.' It actually ended up more like a -" Tucker started.

"All right, all right, I don't need to hear any more of that sentence," Church interrupted.

"You guys are the weirdest group of soldiers I've ever met," the police officer now declared.

"Heads up, ladies, we've got Phantoms inbound," Sarge announced.

"Why am I not surprised?" Grif said with a sigh, and he walked towards one of the missile turrets they had set up.

"Church, grab a turret and start killing aliens!" Sarge ordered.

"Yeah, yeah, on it," Church said, manning his own missile turret.

"Okay, boys, this one's gonna get hot!" Sarge called out as he entered another missile turret.

A swarm of Banshees swooped down, while two Phantoms slowly moved into position. The combined fire of the three missile turrets knocked down all of the Banshees, while Simmons and Tucker successfully blew up one of the Phantoms with rocket launchers.

However, the remaining Phantom now loomed just overhead. "Uh-oh, we've got company!" Sarge yelled.

"Watch out!" Simmons warned.

A Brute Chieftan dropped from the Phantom's lower gravity lift onto the rooftop, swinging its massive hammer as it did so. The hammer sent the police officer flying off the edge of the building, his body falling towards the streets far below.

Church was the next closest target, and he now took aim with his sniper rifle. "I got him!" Church exclaimed happily as he fired a round into the Brute Chieftan's power armor. "I got him again!" he continued as he successfully shot the Chieftan again. "I - oh, shit," he then said rather calmly as the Chieftan brought his hammer down on him.

The blast sent Church flying back into a support beam, stunned. The Chieftan approached and turned its hammer around, revealing the large, bladed side. It struck Church hard in the chest, and the hammer's contact with Church's sniper rifle was the only thing that saved him from being impaled. Church screamed in agony, clutching his chest as the Brute roared at him and tossed his ruined sniper rifle off the side of the skyscraper. It raised its hammer once more, this time to finish Church off, but it was suddenly tackled from behind.

It was Tucker, who had climbed onto the Brute's back and, with a yell, stabbed it in the neck with his Energy Sword. The Brute, now choking on its own blood, desperately began trying to shrug Tucker off as he stabbed repeatedly. Grif, meanwhile, sighed and said, "Oh, what the hell," and charged the Brute as well. Now focused on two threats, the Chieftan didn't even realize when Sarge joined the fray, tackling all of them to the ground.

"Yee-haw!" Sarge yelled triumphantly.

"Ow," Grif said, slowly getting back up. "You could've warned us you were coming."

"Well I wasn't aiming for the alien; I was aiming for you!" Sarge declared.

"Well, that's just great, Sarge," Grif said, dejected.

"Hey!" a muffled voice yelled.

The team looked down to find Tucker's hand reaching out from under the dead Brute. "Get - this thing - off of me!" he yelled.

After they did so, the team turned back to Church as he coughed painfully. "Church! Are you okay?" Tucker asked.

Church wretched a few times, and then responded, "Yeah, I'm actually totally fine. I'm an AI, remember? That was all for dramatic purposes."

"Ugh... all right, ladies, let's get out of here," Sarge said, exasperated.

"Well, we're not getting out of here by air," Simmons said, pointing to the ruined Pelican.

"That's all right, Command told me about another way..." Sarge replied.

Donut

Donut looked up at the nighttime skies for a few more moments before returning to the sniper rifle, which he once again tried to bend back into place.

"Aw, well," Donut said, dropping the rifle, "if this guy doesn't want to be like everybody else, who am I to stand in his way?"

Just then, a Phantom dropped down into the plaza, so he quickly climbed back onto his Mongoose and sped off. The signs now pointed him down his longest drive through New Mombiquo yet. He finally arrived at the entrance to a train station.

"Hmm..." Donut said, looking around. Just then, "Huh?"

Donut ran forward to see a shotgun lying in front of a nearly-lowered gate into the station. He looked around quickly, saying, "Sarge? Are you here?" as he felt another flashback coming on...

"Ugh... all right, ladies, let's get out of here."

"Well, we're not getting out of here by air."

"That's all right, Command told me about another way..."


	8. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: Halo is the product of Bungie, and Red vs. Blue is the product of the fine geniuses of Rooster Teeth. **

**Author's Note: Hello, readers. There's a shout-out to both Buck from the real ODST and MythicTyrant from YouTube near the end of the chapter, as well as a major twist in this story... **

* * *

><p>RvB: ODST<p>

Chapter 7:

Sarge

Kikowani Station

5 hours after drop

Sarge led the way, the first to jog into the station. "We're almost there, men," he announced.

"Yeah, can we take a break for a second?" Church gasped.

"Damn, man, for a computer program, you're really out of shape," Simmons remarked.

"Oh, screw you, Simmons," Church wheezed.

"I'll go on ahead," Tucker said, heading down the stairs.

"Yeah, you do that... Whew!" Grif said, out of breath himself.

"How are you doing on ammo, Sarge?" Simmons asked.

"Huh? Oh, um... Fine," Sarge replied curtly.

"Are you sure? Because I wouldn't want you carrying that thing around if you have no ammo for it, sir. And Grif forgot to bring the spare ammo for everyone again," Simmons continued.

"Hey, the second I landed I was attacked by a ton of aliens!" Grif complained. "Like hell I was going to worry about all of that heavy ammo!"

"Grr... But it's my shotgun," Sarge seethed.

"I know, sir, but you can always get another. Here, there's an assault rifle right here," Simmons said, walking back towards the entrance. Just as he picked up the fallen weapon, a Phantom appeared overhead.

"Quick, get the door!" Sarge ordered.

"On it," Grif said. He reached inside the control booth at the entrance and pressed a large switch, which closed the gate almost entirely before malfunctioning.

Simmons then returned to Sarge and handed him the assault rifle. After a few seconds of grumbling, Sarge tossed his shotgun away, which slid under the nearly-closed gate and stopped just outside...

"Uh, guys? You're gonna want to see this," Tucker said over the team's comms.

"All right, let's go," Sarge muttered, and he and Simmons began walking down the stairs, with Grif and Church in tow.

When they arrived at Tucker's position, they looked out at what he had wanted them to see. "This means we're screwed, right?" Tucker asked.

The station was flooded, and the trains were offline. "Uh-oh," Sarge said. "Guess this means we're not walking out of here through those tunnels like I thought."

"Oh, great, so we are screwed," Grif said. "Excuse me while I go kill myself."

"Not yet, dirtbag," Sarge said, pointing upward as a Phantom appeared. "I want to do that myself. And I need you around for driving that thing right now."

"WHAT?" Grif exclaimed. "I don't know how to fly one of those things!"

"Move it, Grif!" Sarge demanded, smacking him with the butt of his assault rifle.

"Ow, okay!"

Sarge followed close behind as Grif moved up. "Wait here, Simmons!" he called back.

"Got it, sir!" Simmons replied.

"Uh, I'm just going to stay here with Simmons and guard the stairs!" Church yelled.

"Me, too!" Tucker chimed in.

The Phantom, meanwhile, landed on the adjacent platform, instantly spewing out Covenant patrols. Teams of Jackals, Grunts, and Brutes all commenced firing on Grif as they approached.

"Oh, come on, WHAT THE FUCK!" Grif screamed. "There's two of us here, you know!"

Sarge chuckled and said, "Hell, Grif, finally the aliens and I have something in common! Keep 'em distracted for me!"

"Son of a bitch!" Grif yelled as he took cover behind a stack of crates.

Sarge retreated from the Phantom's platform and back up the stairs connecting it to the entrance platform. Near the stairs was a set of containers with Covenant sniper rifles. He quickly attached the assault rifle to his back and picked up one of the beam rifles.

"Shoo, aliens!" Grif said, firing his submachine gun at a Grunt that jumped to his side of the crates. Just as a Brute captain was about to, as well, there was a 'whoosh' sound that accompanied its death.

"Boom, headshot!" Sarge said, now aiming his beam rifle at other targets. "Nothing like killing an enemy from far away; well, unless you're six inches away with a shotgun. THAT'S the best way to kill your foes!"

"Can you quit talking and help me out, Sarge?" Grif yelled.

"Grif! Quit yammering and get in that ship!" Sarge yelled back.

"Fine!"

Grif then stood up and began emptying his submachine gun's clip at anything that moved. Sarge, meanwhile, began killing the rest of the Covenant patrols with his sniper rifle.

"Whew, thank God!" Grif said as he safely arrived at the Phantom's gravity lift and rode it into the ship. "Oh, shit!" he then yelled over the comms.

Sarge ran down to the Phantom's platform, hearing more submachine gun fire inside the ship. After a few moments, Grif came back on the comms.

"All right, cabin secured," he reported. "Flight controls read green across the board... Uh, well, purple... Ugh."

"All right, I'll grab a Banshee and give you cover; you go get Simmons and the Blues," Sarge said, running for a nearby Banshee.

"On it," Grif said, and the Phantom began flying towards their position, albeit a little shakily.

Sarge climbed into the Banshee and waited for Simmons, Church, and Tucker to enter the Phantom's gravity lift. The two ships then headed across the station to a large set of blast doors. Sarge climbed out and activated an override switch, opening the doors. On the other side was a tunnel filled with massive, circular, purple-colored structures.

"What the hell are those?" Church asked rhetorically from inside the Phantom.

"Whatever they are, they're alien, so let's blow 'em to bits," Sarge ordered.

"Church, let's man these turrets," Simmons said.

"Yeah, right," Church said, and they began firing at the structures, while Sarge began firing his Banshee's plasma cannons.

The structure that Sarge fired at was the first one to blow, though his set off a chain reaction that blew up the rest, turning the tunnel into an inferno of blue and purple explosions.

"Oh, shit!" Grif cried. "I'm getting the fuck out of here!"

The Phantom sped towards the other end of the tunnel, with Sarge's Banshee close behind. They now exited the station, and appeared on the outskirts of the city.

"Grif, hold up!" Sarge called out over the comms. "I'm comin' aboard!"

"You want me to activate the gravity lift, Sarge?" Grif inquired.

"What? Hell no! I'm not one of them special ops guys who can do something like that! Open the side doors!"

Grif did so, and Sarge came alongside the ship, slowly opening the Banshee's canopy. Church reached out an arm to grab Sarge, and Sarge jumped out. As he grabbed Church's arm, however, he yanked him down as he grabbed the side of the ship with his other arm.

"Uh-oh," Sarge said rather calmly as Church began to fall out.

"I hate you all!..." Church yelled as he fell from the ship and into the water below.

"Church!" Tucker called.

"Oh no, should we go back for him?" Simmons asked.

"Nah, let's just get out of here," Sarge said as he climbed inside.

"Eh, sounds good to me," Grif said, and he closed the Phantom's bay doors.

Church surfaced and watched as the Phantom flew away.

"Assholes," he muttered. He then saw another tunnel entrance near the station, this one leading below the city. "Hey, I wonder what's in there," he said, and began swimming for it.

Donut

Donut turned his gaze away from the station and his psychic vision as his comms crackled to life.

"Can anyone hear me? This is Freelancer Tex. My beacon is active; need immediate assistance! Someone, please respond!"

"Oh, wow! _She_'s here!" Donut said, pleasantly surprised.

Just then, a Phantom sped by overhead, moving towards Tex's coordinates.

"Uh-oh," Donut said, readying his submachine gun. "I'd better hurry."

He climbed back aboard his Mongoose and drove down the street. At the next plaza was a set of doors - Tex's listed coordinates. Donut pressed a button on the adjacent keypad, which opened the doors and revealed a set of cables leading into the darkness below.

"Oh, boy! A shaft!" Donut said, not realizing the double meaning that any of his squadmates would find fitting to his character.

Holstering his submachine gun, he leaped out onto one of the cables and began his descent...


	9. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: Halo is the product of Bungie, and Red vs. Blue is the product of the fine geniuses of Rooster Teeth. **

**Author's note: Hello, everyone. Here's the penultimate chapter to Red vs. Blue ODST. Please read and review! **

* * *

><p>RvB: ODST<p>

Chapter 8:

Data Hive

Donut finally was able to jump down onto the top of the elevator at the bottom of the shaft, doing so just as his comms were activated again.

"They've got me cornered; I'm low on ammo," Tex announed over the frequency. "Not that that's usually a problem for me, but if anyone can hear me, I'm on Sublevel 9, and-"

Just then, the comms shorted out. Donut looked to his right, seeing "Sublevel 7" emblazoned on the room's wall. He hopped off of the elevator and left the room.

Whatever this underground place was, it seemed largely composed of long, extremely similar corridors to Donut. Large columns of computer equipment filled the corridors, seemingly controlled by central platforms with still more computer stations.

"Glad I don't work in a place like this," Donut remarked to himself.

"Eh, if traitor escape, it's their fault, not ours," a tiny voice said.

"Woah!" Donut said, albeit quietly. He ducked down behind one of the columns and peeked around. A small group of Grunts were shuffling around at the end of the corridor. The pink-clad trooper readied his submachine gun, and then ran forward.

"Ah!" one of the Grunts cried, surprised, before it was cut down by Donut's gunfire.

Donut impressively used short, controlled bursts, killing the Grunts quickly and efficiently as he moved up. The last Grunt managed to jump behind cover just before Donut was forced to reload.

"Aw yeah, triple kill!" Donut said, switching to his sidearm.

"Alarm! Intruder! In tunnels!" the sole remaining Grunt yelled to no one in particular. Just then, Donut came around the corner and dispatched the alien with a single headshot.

"In yo face!" Donut exclaimed triumphantly.

He then went through the nearby door, which led down to the next level. The corridors down here were darkened, dimly lit by the flickering computer screens on the walls. Before he managed to get through, he had to dispatch several more Grunts and Jackals.

As he entered another hall, he heard a Brute, not to far from his position, growl, "This way! We have it trapped!"

"Ah! They have me trapped? I didn't even know!" Donut cried in alarm.

Just then, another voice, this one human, came over his comms. "Do it, Vergil, now!"

"Obstruction ahead, expect delays," another, more computerized, voice replied.

"I'm gonna die, you hear me?" the human voice yelled back.

"Oh! Maybe they have _him_ trapped," Donut said with a sigh of relief. "Well, I should try to help him, then."

Donut headed down the corridor and saw a squad of Grunts, led by a Brute captain, running down the path. Donut now fired an extended burst from his submachine gun in order to eliminate the captain's shields. Enraged, it turned to face him just in time to be hit in the head by a bullet from Donut's pistol. The Grunts, now leaderless, continued down the corridor, screaming in fear. Their voices were quickly silenced.

When Donut entered the next hall, he found the dead Grunts lying at the feet of a New Mombiquo police officer. He was in full gear, wearing a tactical facemask and carrying a shotgun.

"Hi!" Donut said naively.

"Whew! Thanks, trooper, they almost had me," he said. "I've been trying to get down to the next level to check on my team, but this stack is locked down tight."

Just then, the electronic keypad for the data stack activated. "Welcome; access granted," the computerized voice said.

"Huh, guess _you_ have the magic touch," the officer muttered.

"He was the only one I could find," the computerized voice said in defense.

Donut activated the data stack, which raised to reveal a hole leading down to the next level. Just then, however, a group of Drones flew up from the hole.

"Buggers! Look out!" the police officer yelled, firing his shotgun.

Donut now tossed a grenade at the edge of the stack, killing two of the Drones. While another shotgun blast from the police officer killed a third, Donut killed the last with his submachine gun.

"What's wrong with you, Vergil?" the officer roared. "You tryin' to get me killed?"

"Warning; hitchhikers may be escaped convicts," the computer, 'Vergil,' said in reply.

"Um, what does that mean?" Donut said.

There was no response, so the two jumped down to the next level.

"What are you doing down here, anyway?" the police officer said. Before Donut could respond, he continued, "Don't want to tell me? That's all right; we've all got secrets."

"I plan on telling my parents eventually!" Donut said, talking about something entirely different.

"What?" the officer said, incredulous.

Just then, a Brute appeared. "Here, catch!" it taunted, tossing a glowing red object at the police officer. When it hit him, he instantly became wreathed in flames.

"Oh no!" Donut cried.

"Hwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!" the police officer screamed. At least, he did so for a few moments before falling to the floor and dying, completely roasted.

Donut began screaming himself as he ran down the corridor, past the Brute. He soon arrived at another data stack, and he began to rapidly press on the keypad as he continued to scream, looking less soldierly than before as he looked around wildly for more enemies.

By the time he had hopped down to the next level, however, he had begun to calm down, with no more enemies in sight. As he walked down the next corridor, his comms came on again.

"Church?" It was Tex. "Who knows if you can hear me, but... I'm sorry," she said. "I'm sorry for... well, for a lot of things."

When Donut entered the next room, he found a large group of Drones, Jackals, and a Brute captain attempting to open a locked door. His composure regained, he tossed another grenade, killing several Drones and a Jackal, and began firing his submachine gun again. Once all of the aliens had been dispatched, he heard Vergil's voice again. "Welcome; access granted," it repeated.

The locked door opened, and Donut entered a narrower hallway. At the end was another locked door. After waiting for a few moments, he found no response from Vergil.

"Hmm... Might as well try," he said, and he knocked on the door.

The door suddenly flew open, and a pistol was aimed in his face. Tex was on the other end of the barrel.

"It's you," she said, surprised. "I thought... Never mind," she said, lowering her pistol.

"Tex, what are you doing here?" Donut asked.

Just then, there was a mysterious noise down the hall. They both raised their weapons, and Tex hissed, "Inside - _now_."

Donut entered Tex's hideout, a large room with a wall composed entirely of windowpanes, looking out at a large cavern. As he did so, Tex began to explain. "Some idiots blew the building at the top of the shaft."

"That doesn't sound good," Donut said.

"Yeah, woke the whole hive," Tex continued.

"That sounds even worse!"

"Will you let me talk?" Tex said, frustrated. She then pointed out the windows, towards a man-made tower rising out of the cavern. "See that? That's the Superintendent, the AI that runs every system in this city. My mission was to secure the Superintendent's data. Problem is, the only way to get to there is right through the hive."

"And you wanted to wait for backup?" Donut concluded.

"Kind of; if by backup you mean 'meat-shields to keep me covered while I kill the Drones,' then yeah, 'backup.' Have you been alone since you guys dropped?"

Donut nodded, so Tex continued, "Well, unless you spent all night hiding in your pod, _you_ must know your stuff. I remember that you're good with grenades, so..."

Recalling the time that he had "killed" Tex, Donut nodded eagerly. "Oh, yeah!"

"Well, then let's get moving," Tex said, readying her pistol.

They headed through the door on the other side of Tex's hideout, leading to another long corridor similar to the ones Donut had been fighting through.

"Bad guys!" Donut announced as they came upon a squad of Grunts and a Brute.

Before he could even raise his submachine gun, however, Tex had jumped into the air, clearing most of the distance between her and the aliens. Within two seconds she had killed all three Grunts with headshots and smashed the Brute's armor with a devastating melee strike. Another punch knocked it out cold.

"Wow, you're a bit of a badass," Donut remarked.

"A bit?" Tex said smugly, checking her pistol. "Let's keep moving."

They now entered the cavern, with catwalks above them. Still above the catwalks was the hive, an eerie network of structures that looked like wasp nests. Tex now picked up a pair of submachine guns from what was left of a fallen police officer and began jogging across the room to an elevator, with Donut just behind.

They climbed onto the lift, and as Tex activated it, Vergil spoke. "Elevator on; next stop -"

"Bugger central," Tex finished grimly.

As the lift stopped at the catwalks, Tex turned to Donut. "Move fast, and punch hard," she said.

"I'll do my best," Donut assured her.

Just then, swarms of Drones began appearing out of the hive. The two began their race across the catwalks, Donut firing his suppressed submachine gun while Tex leapt into the air, spinning around as she fired at the Drones swarming around her. By the time they reached the other end of the catwalks, close to a hundred of the insect-like aliens had fallen to the cavern floor.

Through the next door was another narrow hallway, this one ending with a hole.

"Oh, cool, a hole!" Donut remarked.

Without a word, Tex jumped down, and Donut followed. They now found themselves on a platform above the bridge to the Superintendent's tower. A pair of Brutes, led by a Chieftan, were attempting to break in.

"Let's take them out, _now_," Tex said, jumping down to the bridge.

"Grr... OPEN THIS DOOR, TRAITOR!" the Chieftan roared.

"All dogs must be kept on leash," Vergil said in reply.

"By the Prophets, you will pay for your insolence!"

Just then, Tex jumped between the three Brutes, emptying her submachine guns' clips into the Chieftan. As it collapsed, the two other Brutes lunged at her. Tex knocked one of them away with a strike to its face with one of her weapons. She then dropped both of them and pulled out her pistol, which she used to deliver a headshot to the other Brute. As the last Brute rose to attack once more, it was cut down by Donut's submachine gun.

"Not bad, Donut," Tex said. "You _do_ know your stuff."

"Thanks, Tex. I think Sarge would be proud."

They now entered the Superintendent's tower, and found themselves in the darkened data center. There was a gurgling sound behind the core, and Donut raised his weapon.

"Don't shoot!" Tex ordered.

As Donut lowered his weapon, the long, thin head of an alien appeared. The strange creature, a large purple ball with a blue head and tentacles, floated down to where they stood.

"We've seen them on other rocks, but we've never gotten this close. As far as Command can tell, they're prisoners or slaves; either way, they don't like the Covenant any more than we do," Tex explained. "Command calls 'em 'Engineers'; believes they're some kind of biological supercomputer."

"Aw, it's kind of cute once you get past the hideous smell," Donut remarked.

"If I'm right, this Engineer has taken the Superintendent's data and combined it with its own. Everything we want to know about this Covenant splinter group... why they came here is right in _here_," Tex said as it patted the Engineer's head.

Just then, there was a beeping noise. The Engineer floated back towards the core and pressed a button. One of the Superintendent's cameras flickered to life, revealing more Covenant forces arriving outside.

"Damn! Buggers must've raised the alarm!" Tex said.

Just then, the camera panned over to the other end of the bridge, where a familiar figure now appeared.

Tex was stunned for a second, then yelled into the console, "Church!"

The camera caught Church looking around wildly for a moment, then tapping his helmet's comms. "Tex? Where are you?" he asked incredulously.

"Data center, but we're coming out?

"What? We? What the fuck is going on?" he exclaimed.

"I'll tell you later, just start killing aliens and DO NOT shoot at anything pink!" Tex demanded.

"Whatever you say, just come on!" Church said, now raising a sniper rifle at incoming Covenant.

Tex now headed back towards the data center's entrance. "Those Brutes are here for the Engineer; they'll kill it if they get the chance. Let's make sure that doesn't happen."

"Sounds good to me," Donut said.

Tex nodded, and opened the door, raising her pistol. There were no Covenant visible, but they could hear Church's sniper rifle going off from across the bridge. Just then, a pair of Brutes with jetpacks jumped down from the top of the tower. Tex quickly ran up to them and knocked them both out from behind, then raced forward.

"Hey, wait for us!" Donut cried as he and the Engineer tried to keep up.

Two Phantoms now appeared alongside the bridge. Their plasma gunners began firing at the Engineer, their shots coming dangerously close to it.

"No!" Tex said.

Church fired off another round, killing one of the gunners. Tex now took a massive jump towards the Phantom on the other side of the bridge. Raising her pistol in midair, she held her breath and squeezed the trigger. Just before she landed, the Grunt manning the turret fell towards the cavern floor, dead.

"Come on, let's get the hell out of here!" Church yelled. "Hey! Donut, where'd you come from?"

"Long story, Church!" Donut replied.

The three now headed through the door that Church had come through, the Engineer in tow.

"There's an elevator here, come on," Church announced.

They all entered and began the trip back up to the surface...


	10. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: Halo is the product of Bungie, and Red vs. Blue is the product of the fine geniuses of Rooster Teeth. **

**Author's note: Well, readers, this is the last chapter of Red vs. Blue ODST. I'd just like to thank everyone who has stuck by and read it; my main goal was to share my work with others, however mediocre it turned out, haha. But I hope you've enjoyed it, and that brings me to the second part of this message.**

**I'll be "off the air" here on Fanfiction for a couple of months, but that doesn't mean I want to quit writing. I have a few ideas for other stories, but if any fans want to post some requests for a possible story topic in the review section here, I'd be more than happy to take a look at them.**

**So thanks again, everyone! Here's Chapter 9; keep reading and reviewing!**

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><p>RvB: ODST<p>

Chapter 9:

Coastal Highway

"Jesus, that thing stinks!" Church exclaimed on the elevator ride up. "Smells like someone set a fish on fire in here or something."

With the alien seemingly unaffected by this, Church now turned to his two human companions. "All right, now what the fuck is going o-" he started to say.

However, he was interrupted by Tex's fist colliding with his face. "What was _that_ for?" he yelled.

"Eh, I just wanted to do that," Tex said.

"That's it?" Church asked.

"Hey, if anyone's looking for catharsis between you and me here, they're going to have to wait for someone to write some happy love story. We've got aliens to kill up there, and an alien to protect _here_," Tex explained.

"Okay, fine," Church relented. "What's it's deal anyway?"

"This thing has knowledge about the Covenant's plans, and I need to get it back to Command."

"And how do you propose we do that?"

"Waterfront highway will be the fastest way out of the city," Tex replied as the elevator reached the ground floor of whatever building they were now in. She now turned to their pink-clad ally, who stood next to the alien, bewildered by the conversation.

"You've done great, Donut, but we're not out of this yet," she said. "Do me a favor and scout ahead for us. That road to the left should lead to the highway."

"Got it," Donut said with a nod. "Come on, little guy," and he and the not-so-little alien headed out into the street, now bathed in morning sunlight.

"Um, aren't you usually the one who does the scouting? You know, if you want something done right..." Church started.

"I know, but I wanted a second alone to do this..." she said, yanking off hers and Church's helmets for a passionate kiss.

As they hurried to catch up with Donut and Vergil, their helmets back on, Church muttered to himself, "Maybe this mission was a pretty good idea, after all..."

"It looks clear up here!" Donut called back.

"I agree," Tex said. "That building at the other end of the road; there should be an elevator that leads up to the highway."

They entered the building and, soon after, the lift. At the top, they found the highway, littered with wrecked and abandoned vehicles. There were, however, two untouched vehicles nearby: a jeep with a mounted machine gun, and a large garbage collector, which was built more like a tank, but without any weapons.

Several Covenant cruisers, the massive ships that had spearheaded their assaults during the war, loomed overhead.

"When did that happen?" Tex said, pointing up at the cruisers.

"Oh, they started showing up right before I went underground," Church said in reply.

"And you waited until now to tell me that?"

"Oh, I'm sorry, I was a little busy not knowing what the hell you or the purple freak were doing here, and then having to worry about killing a bunch of other alien freaks!" Church retorted hotly.

Vergil, meanwhile, clearly upset about being called a 'purple freak,' now started to float away.

"Um, guys..." Donut said.

However, Tex and Church were now deep in an argument, and when Donut looked back, Vergil was gone.

"Ow!" Church said as Tex punched him again.

"Well, why didn't you tell me that your idiot friends had a Phantom?" Tex said, Church having mentioned that in their argument. "This is Freelancer Tex; Sarge, are you out there?"

After a moment, Sarge came on the comms. "Affirmative, Tex. Where are you?"

"Aw, it's great to hear from you, Sarge! You would not believe the adventures I've had!" Donut chimed in.

"Pretty in pink!" Sarge said. "I can only imagine..."

"Sarge, I'm here with Donut and Church on the highway; can you come pick us up? I have what Command's been looking for," Tex continued.

"Affirmative... Grif! Turn this thing around!"

"Ah, come on! We have to go back to the alien-infested city?" Grif complained.

"And step on it, dirtbag!"

Tex now turned off her comms and said, "All right, we need to move now. Wait, where's the Engineer?"

The three of them began looking around frantically, when suddenly there was a rumble in front of them. Vergil had entered the garbage collector and started it. Tex now climbed on, and called out, "Keep me covered, and try to keep up."

Church shook his head and smiled inside his helmet. "Hey Donut, I know this probably doesn't make a lot of sense, but if you ever fall for a woman, make sure she's got balls."

"Um, you're right, Church, that doesn't make much sense."

"Just get in that jeep," Church said with a sigh. "I'll take the gun."

Donut and Church began driving down the highway, with Tex and Vergil following in the garbage collector.

"Hey, Tex?" Church said with a chuckle. "Pick a lane."

The garbage collector was taking up the two forward lanes, smashing through abandoned cars with ease. "I'm doing the best I can," Tex said, a little irritated. "Just stay out of our way and watch for hostiles!"

The two vehicles soon arrived at a large door, leading to the next section of highway. "Covenant must've locked the doors; give the Engineer a second to override it," Tex commanded.

Just then, a swarm of Drones appeared. "Oh, crap!" Church said, and opened fire with a heavy salvo of bullets. The machine gun made short work of the Drones. Just as the last one fell, the doors opened.

"That's it!" Tex said. "We're moving on."

A group of Jackals were waiting in the next section of highway, but Donut quickly drove right over them. As the garbage collector began smashing through more cars, it suddenly erupted in blue light.

"Woah! What just happened?" Church shouted.

"I think the Engineer's sending a current through this thing, giving the outer plating some energy shielding. I don't know how strong it is, so stay close," Tex said.

"Don't worry, we've got you covered," Church said.

Past the next set of doors was a massive Covenant vehicle; a four-legged war machine with a large cannon on its back and an even deadlier cannon for an eye.

"Damn, it's a Scarab!" Tex said.

"It looks like it's on to us!" Donut warned.

"Floor it!" Church shouted.

However, while Donut and Church's jeep managed to take cover behind the next set of doors, the Scarab climbed above their cover and fired a burst of plasma at the garbage collector. The shields vanished and parts of the vehicle exploded in flames.

"Tex, nooooo!" Church cried. "Tex, talk to me!"

After a few moments of silence, the two heard Tex over the comms. "The - asset - is all right," she coughed.

"Screw the alien, what about you?" Church demanded.

"I'm okay..." Tex whispered. "But this garbage truck's had it."

The doors opened, and the garbage collector slowly began to move through them, with Donut and Church following in the jeep.

"Take the next off-ramp," Church said. "We'll wait for Sarge and the others there."

"Agreed," Tex said.

They found themselves outside the Uplift Nature Park. "Sarge, whatever you do, get here fast," Tex said.

"On it, Tex."

Church and Donut went ahead and secured the entrance building to the park, killing two sleeping Grunts who were supposed to be standing guard. Just as Tex and Vergil made it there, two Phantoms appeared.

"We've got company!" Church announced.

"I've got this," Tex said quietly.

The Phantoms discharged a duo of Hunters, a Brute Chieftan and his own squad of Brutes, along with a dozen more Grunts. This small army, they should have realized, was no match for Agent Texas. The Grunts were the first to fire at her, using their plasma pistols, while one fired a fuel rod cannon. Tex weaved in and out of the fire, and before they knew it, she was amongst them. Karate chops sent two of the Grunts flying into two more, respectively. She then picked up two of the fallen plasma pistols and began firing rapidly at the remaining Grunts, quickly dispatching them all.

The Hunters now opened up with their own fuel rod cannons, built into their arms. Tex jumped high into the air, dodging the blasts, and landed in between them. She now grabbed one of the Hunters' arms and manually fired its cannon at the other, sending it flying back into the group of Brutes, knocking two of them out. With unbelievable strength, she lifted the other Hunter up and tossed it at another Brute, sending both of them flying.

Now the remaining Brutes were firing their grenade launchers at her, to no avail. The Chieftan ran towards her, swinging its hammer. However, she quickly stunned it with a flurry of punches to the face and chest. The Chieftan, now stumbling, let go of its hammer, and Tex grabbed it. Her hammer swing did not miss. As the Chieftan was sent flying all the way back towards the highway, she delivered one final blow, killing the remaining Brutes.

"Wow," Donut remarked at the carnage.

"What, are you surprised?" Church said. "My girlfriend kicks ass."

Just then, another Phantom appeared and began to land, its gravity lift activated.

"Heads up, Tex!" Church called out.

However, as Tex turned to face the new threat, Simmons appeared from the lift. "What the heck is that thing?" he said, pointing at Vergil.

"We'll explain later, let's just get the fuck out of here," Church said, running for the gravity lift.

Sarge now dropped down and looked at the scene. "Well, what can I say? It was a hell of a night," he said in epic fashion.

"Yeah, screw you," Church snapped, breaking the moment. "You assholes left me behind. Let's just go already."

They all climbed into the Phantom, and Grif began to fly it away from the city.

"Let's just hope none of them are following us," Tucker said.

"I think they're too busy to care," Tex replied, looking back at the city.

The rest of the squad did, as well, and saw that the Covenant cruisers were now razing the city with their massive energy beams.

"This isn't over," Tex said quietly.

Church now walked over to her, and said just as quietly, "What about us?"

Tex sighed and took off her helmet. She looked back at him and gave a slight smile. "Win this war," she said, "then ask me that again."

"See, what does that mean?" Church said, frustrated. "Everyone's been saying these random lines like this whole thing is scripted or something, what the hell is going on?"

"No breaking the fourth wall, Church," Donut said disapprovingly.

"Seriously, I can't be the only one who's noticed this," Church continued.

"Actually, I have, too," Simmons chimed in.

"Yeah, me and Simmons were talking about it earlier," Grif added from the cockpit.

Tex shook her head and said, "Why do I hang out with you guys?"

"I can think of a couple of reasons," Tucker said devilishly. "Bow chicka bow... ow!" Before he could finish, Tex punched him.

**FIN**


End file.
